Hello and happy Sunday funday. [Blogged while having to pee.] There’s a lyric in one of Taylor Swift’s songs that’s always resonated with me. It says, “I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it.” Everyone knows breakups are hard. But something that makes it especially difficult is that we’re just so lost during that time. Part of the journey to picking up the pieces is finding ourselves again. And when someone you love has a change of heart, you start to question a lot of things. Ironically, mostly about yourself. What’s changed? Was it something I did? Why wasn’t I good enough? And it’s hard to move on from that. You’re confused, heart-broken and insecure. So how do we learn to find our old selves?
When my relationship ended, I was absolutely lost. Yes, I was sad and angry and all those things. But most of all I was just lost. It was like I didn’t know how to be me. I was shattered and insecure. Ew. That wasn’t me. I’m feisty and fabulous. I just needed to find it. And truthfully, it was all about my attitude. I think I struggled most with asking myself why I wasn’t good enough. And after a while, I guess I learned to accept it. Not that I wasn’t “good enough,” but that I just wasn’t what he was looking for. And that I can’t help. I can only be me and hope the person I’m with loves me for that. Which is exactly the mentality that helped me find clarity. You know how right after a break-up you’d give anything for that other person to realize their mistake? Change their mind and come running back to you? I was there for a while. But once I came to the conclusion that I’m me and I’m fetch and this one person out of seven billion didn’t want to be with me, it became easy to see the light at the end of the “I’m fabulous” tunnel.
I started thinking, Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want me? Or kind of, maybe, sometimes wants me? That’s silly. I knew I could find someone who 100% wanted me all the time. And I’m more deserving of that. I’m worth that.
So I think when we get to a place of acceptance and acknowledgment of our self-worth, we just have to shrug and say, “Oh, well. Nothing I can do now. On to better things.”
So many things in life are out of our control, but our attitude isn’t one of them. And it’s a powerful tool when we learn to use it properly.
5 thoughts on “You lost, girl?”
I can completely relate to this. I’m going through the moving on process and it’s not easy. Even when we know the person was wrong for us, even if the relationship was unhealthy, it’s still difficult. I know that I want to be with someone who understands my worth. But I need to find myself again. That’s the most important thing.
Amen, sista. It’s super not easy. But from that process I’ve learned so much about myself and it’s like I’ve found a more true version of me. If that makes sense. Like I can finally see what I’m capable of and what I deserve. Thanks for reading and for sharing your story!
You’re welcome! I know what you mean about finding a truer version of yourself. I’m in the process of finding myself again as well. And I think after a long term relationship, we’re not the same people we were at the start, years before. We are constantly changing, and during a breakup, we have to learn to be comfortable alone.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. 🙂
Aw, why thank you! 🙂